Celebrating 10 years! 2007-2017

Conflicted...What Should I Do?

As I had posted previously, I had applied for the Department cocolawyer02/03/17
At 110k you won't be starving, I would choose the better qua mtbislife02/03/17
Dear humble braggin 'bout peanuts You already applied to enlightenedjd02/03/17
Here's the rub brotha. You hate what you do. As an individ mtobeinf02/03/17
Well $50,000 is a lot. But you hate the work. vat that $5 bostonlawyer.202/06/17
There is no easy answer to this. Go with your gut. For me, jd4hire02/03/17
I thought he got conflicted out of a job. what a troll threa triplesix02/03/17
Actually same. First I was afraid. I was then petrified. Thi mtobeinf02/03/17
Huh. What are you talking about? I have never been conflicte cocolawyer02/03/17
WOW! $185K is not a small amount....If they are willing to cheapbrass02/03/17
This is my 4th year. I have a high retention rate and my bil cocolawyer02/03/17
Why the hell havenít they been paying you at least $25K more propita02/06/17
What are the spoken (and unspoken) terms of the raise? sjlawyer02/03/17
Would be a salary raise of $50,000.00 with a $10,000.00 annu cocolawyer02/03/17
I'd take the money. Just make sure it is genuine and they ar tcpaul02/03/17
2 points: Opportunity often only knocks once. Quali massivemissive02/03/17
Everything about your private sector option could change and passportfan302/03/17
What makes you think DCSS is a good job? They are always hir fettywap02/03/17
DCSS is a great gig...at least in California. Tons of cases cocolawyer02/03/17
be careful of "brainless work". I am in a field of "brainle cheapbrass02/06/17
How big do you estimate the difference to be on a par basis inho2solo02/03/17
Well me and my wife are in a bit of a rocky situation right cocolawyer02/03/17
Congrats......I wish I had your dilemma. A lot of people anothernjlawyer02/03/17
My wife is already a stay at home. We have one kid. I think cocolawyer02/03/17
The money is great, but as others have said, you aren't star pauperesq02/03/17
Private practice = you are penciled in, and can get canned a whipster02/03/17
=easy decision with all other factors in favor thereof taken mtobeinf02/03/17
Seems to be a pretty even split. But I suggest taking the go thirdtierlaw02/03/17
That is really really true about how much I despise family l cocolawyer02/03/17
I have decided that the pay raise isn't worth it. I am going cocolawyer02/03/17
Good choice. Enjoy your life and family, fuk the rat race. triplesix02/03/17
Congrats on the decision. tcpaul02/03/17
Congrats. I think you made the right decision. Life is short e36m302/03/17
I also think you made the right decision. How much of that $ wolfman02/04/17
congrats and enjoy! mtbislife02/04/17
OP, I think you made the right decision depending on your cu hairypalms02/04/17
It sounds like you made the right decision. Plus, if your hankstamper02/04/17
its the right decision. congrats! whiteguyinchina02/05/17
take the job. money isn't everything, as long as the new dingbat02/06/17
I informed my bosses this morning that I was still going wit cocolawyer02/06/17
Why would she be pissed? You deserve a break and this job wi mtbislife02/06/17
Now she has to have him around the house for two weeks inste triplesix02/06/17
Well watched a movie went home about an hour ago told her, a cocolawyer02/06/17
Enjoy your time with the kid! She will get over it, you make triplesix02/06/17
I think you made the right decision. I hope you realize greenhorn02/06/17
Good for you, man, and enjoy the vacation. Keep in mind wha inho2solo02/06/17
Like when she is telling him that he is not earning at his f triplesix02/06/17
Then thats a shtty wife. mtbislife02/06/17
She doesn't say it quite that way. It's more like "I don't c cocolawyer02/06/17
Not paying for day care is yuge. Time to cut spending! mtbislife02/06/17
Yeah we spend a lot of money on stupid crap. We have built i cocolawyer02/06/17
Well since you will be working less you'll have time to do t mtbislife02/06/17
Pool guy and wife pissed you will be home? Coincidence? C mnjd02/06/17
Dawg... triplesix02/06/17
Woman tend to milk this crap. When I get home my house i cocolawyer02/06/17
My lord. You and I must be married to the same woman. Saturd mnjd02/07/17
Please tell me she doesn't do "girls night out" with hundred triplesix02/07/17
I like the fact that you guys get duped. Marrying these untr prodigy02/07/17
Yeah sounds like you guys are getting pwnd pretty hard. mtbislife02/07/17
Yeah except: 1) my wife is not skinny. She was when we me cocolawyer02/07/17
Oh mine is worse. Mine does that when I walk in the door dur cocolawyer02/07/17
No,no hell no. Are you blokes ugly. What is wrong with you? prodigy02/07/17
You and I both. Constant errands on the way home from work. mnjd02/07/17
Thanks bros for sharing, I think my ex did me a solid by che triplesix02/07/17
May I suggest mtn biking mtbislife02/07/17
Don't blame her for being upset that you suggested that she cheapbrass02/06/17
Wow where are you from? It would be $800.00 per month in chi cocolawyer02/06/17
"It's not a selfless move, its a selfish move." Maybe; ma jeffm02/06/17
$800 a month!!!? Where are you located? I paid $2,500/mo f cheapbrass02/07/17
Well you are looking at gross numbers not net, so your calcu cocolawyer02/07/17
Congratulations, Coco! That's a sweet gig! jeffm02/06/17
I would say take the money, but I have witness people in pri prodigy02/06/17
"Why do they decide to give you a raise now." Excellent a triplesix02/06/17
They probably knew I was worth it but would rather pocket th cocolawyer02/06/17
I think they deserve a deduction, or better an exemption for triplesix02/06/17
>> she was a bit upset. Not about the change but the fact we passportfan302/07/17
$110,000 for useless government paper pushing. Our tax $$ a prestiiigiousone02/10/17
Daycare is only $800 per month?!?!?! I pay more than double anothernjlawyer02/13/17
Yeah $800.00 per month is the standard 7:45am to 5:00 pm. 5 cocolawyer02/13/17
"She has some harpy friends that reiterate that being home i shuiz02/13/17
Cocolawyer, whenever I read about your family situation, I f shuiz02/13/17

cocolawyer (Feb 3, 2017 - 3:03 pm)

As I had posted previously, I had applied for the Department of Child Support Services. I was ranked 1. I got an interview and I was offered the position. I am ecstatic. This is the job I always wanted, and a real way out of the dread of Family Law Litigation.

I informed my work of the offer. The partners set a meeting with me later that day. I thought "well two weeks notice is not necessary, looks like I just got a two week vacation." To my surprise they offered me a substantial increase in pay to stay...$50,000.00 more per year.

The DCSS position pays $110,000.00 a year. This position with the raise would pay $185,000.00. There is a huge difference in income but DCSS has pension plan, reasonable hours, and low stress. Should I pass up the big bag of money for my dream job?

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mtbislife (Feb 3, 2017 - 3:08 pm)

At 110k you won't be starving, I would choose the better quality of life.

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enlightenedjd (Feb 3, 2017 - 3:14 pm)

Dear humble braggin 'bout peanuts

You already applied to the DCSS despite 25K less so money isn't the main factor.

I can easily see the DCSS ranking people like you #1.

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mtobeinf (Feb 3, 2017 - 3:31 pm)

Here's the rub brotha. You hate what you do. As an individual that has done family law, I do not blame you. It will never get better and as the familial unit further deteriorates, it will likely worsen. Yes 185k is bank. However, job security is always questionable. Benefits are incomparable as well. Given what I do now, I see a lot of govt pensions. The amount they receive is ridiculous. I'd take the lower pay, lower stress, job security, and benefits. If I kicked ass left and right doing Interstate Child Support cases while in law school, you will do the same and likely far better. Your job is enforcement, not the bullshish you currently do and loathe. How many more custody fights, equitable distributions, lying plaintiffs do you want to deal with? Usually, I'm a take the money and run guy. However, I have been in your shoes however briefly. My actual practice of family law lasted one week. Then I walked away and do what I do now. Trust your gut. And bust them guts.

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bostonlawyer.2 (Feb 6, 2017 - 10:13 pm)

Well $50,000 is a lot. But you hate the work.

vat that $50,000 - 1/3 will go to the tax man.

When you break it down...it's only an extra $1,250 a month after tax.

Is it worth being miserable for another $1250 a month?

I don't think so.

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jd4hire (Feb 3, 2017 - 3:23 pm)

There is no easy answer to this. Go with your gut. For me, I'd struggle to leave 75k on the table. If I didn't like my work and were headed to my dream job with good bennies, nice environment, interesting work, I could do it. Not sure how much you know about the job you are going to, but I've made two job changes in my short career. I was pumped about my first change and it sucked. Change two was awesome. My point is, you could hypothetically make the change and quickly realize you miss the way things used to be and you'd be punching yourself in the face for making the change and leaving that money on the table.

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triplesix (Feb 3, 2017 - 3:27 pm)

I thought he got conflicted out of a job. what a troll thread haha

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mtobeinf (Feb 3, 2017 - 3:39 pm)

Actually same. First I was afraid. I was then petrified. Thinkin what I would do without coco by my side. But then I spent so many nights thinking about how he's done those kids wrong. And I grew strong...

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cocolawyer (Feb 3, 2017 - 7:48 pm)

Huh. What are you talking about? I have never been conflicted out. Read previous posts that I applied for this position back before the December cut off date. Was then in early January given the ranking.

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cheapbrass (Feb 3, 2017 - 3:32 pm)

WOW! $185K is not a small amount....If they are willing to pay that much to retain you, maybe you are on the partnership track, with even more $$$$ in a few years?

how many years have you been practicing?

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cocolawyer (Feb 3, 2017 - 7:51 pm)

This is my 4th year. I have a high retention rate and my billable hours brings in a decent amount of money. I am replaceable though.

I am not on partnership track....there is no partnership track at this firm. Its three partners and senior associates and junior associates. This would likely be as high as I would ever make at this firm. I don't think you could justify any more...pretty much ever.

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propita (Feb 6, 2017 - 6:58 pm)

Why the hell havenít they been paying you at least $25K more all along? Screw them!

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sjlawyer (Feb 3, 2017 - 3:59 pm)

What are the spoken (and unspoken) terms of the raise?

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cocolawyer (Feb 3, 2017 - 7:54 pm)

Would be a salary raise of $50,000.00 with a $10,000.00 annual bonus if I exceed my annual billable expectation. My monthly expectation would rise by 15 billable hours (which eh isn't that much).

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tcpaul (Feb 3, 2017 - 4:15 pm)

I'd take the money. Just make sure it is genuine and they aren't going to f_ck you over once you stay.

I don't care how bad family law is. $185k is sick money. Everytime you get frustrated with it just stop and remind yourself that you're making bank and that these chuckleheads getting divorced are paving the path to your early retirement.

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massivemissive (Feb 3, 2017 - 4:21 pm)

2 points:

Opportunity often only knocks once.

Quality of life is what matters for most people as they age.

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passportfan3 (Feb 3, 2017 - 4:57 pm)

Everything about your private sector option could change and probably will. They could fire you in two years. The rainmaker partners could leave or retire. The economy might tank and result in layoffs.

Chances are, everything about your government gig will at least stay the same. Once you clear probation, it is a job for life. I assume the county has some form of surplus designation which means that, in the event of a layoff, you have dibs on new job openings. The private sector certainly does not offer anything like that.

For me, the biggest advantage of government work is no rainmaking -- no worries about money. At the end of each June, the Governor signs a budget, and my salary is taken care of the next 12 months.

In government, I can focus on the legal work, with lots of free time for life. In private practice, I was consumed with bringing in money, with the actual legal work a far second to client development, hand holding, and bill juggling.

Touch choice. Best of luck.

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fettywap (Feb 3, 2017 - 4:59 pm)

What makes you think DCSS is a good job? They are always hiring where I live. Most of their attorneys seem miserable to me.

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cocolawyer (Feb 3, 2017 - 7:56 pm)

DCSS is a great gig...at least in California. Tons of cases but its really just enforcement and brainless work. Gigs don't come up that often here.

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cheapbrass (Feb 6, 2017 - 11:27 am)

be careful of "brainless work". I am in a field of "brainless work", its easy but so god dammm boring that sometimes I think my brain has atrophied and I would think about changing to a more intellectually stimulating field.

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inho2solo (Feb 3, 2017 - 5:01 pm)

How big do you estimate the difference to be on a par basis considering hours worked? (And tossing in the difference in benes, as well)

How big is the difference on a par basis considering how many hours the current job is subtracting from your life?

And will it get worse (higher expectations) with the raise?

It's easy for me to say that in your shoes, I'd go with the dream job. But I'm not in your shoes.

Whatever you do, if DO you decide to go with the dream job and are married, I hope to heck you haven't communicated the offered salary bump to your spouse.

Sometimes, they just don't need to know.

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cocolawyer (Feb 3, 2017 - 7:58 pm)

Well me and my wife are in a bit of a rocky situation right now so not sure I am going to right now.

If you did a par basis well it would likely be somewhat similar. I work way more hours here then I would at DCSS. I would also have 15 more billable hours per month expectation.

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anothernjlawyer (Feb 3, 2017 - 5:03 pm)

Congrats......I wish I had your dilemma.

A lot of people on this board would be very happy making 75K per year. Leaving that on the table is a big deal.

How many hours are you working now? Job-inherent stress aside, is it a good / collegial environment? Do you have control over your own schedule / cases?

Have you talked to anyone who actually works for DCSS about what the work hours / environment is really like? Will less stressful work be counteracted by a more rigorous / authoritarian bureaucracy (i.e. will you get a letter of reprimand for showing up at 9:15am or taking a long lunch to handle a personal errand?) Will you have more or less control over your own time and working environment?

Do you have a family / kids? Do you want to? 75k per year could be the difference between your wife working or being a stay at home mom. Of course, if your life is miserable at your current job, then less hours / less money might be better for family life. That's up to you.

I guess my point is, make sure it's your "dream job" before you leave that much money on the table.

Best of luck.

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cocolawyer (Feb 3, 2017 - 7:59 pm)

My wife is already a stay at home. We have one kid. I think I have made my decision.

My work environment is extremely collegial.

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pauperesq (Feb 3, 2017 - 5:08 pm)

The money is great, but as others have said, you aren't starving either way. Government gig has steady hours, no billable hour requirement, no rainmaking obligation, comparatively low stress, pension, healthcare, etc. Private firm has, well, more money.

Be careful of this substantial raise. While it's flattering to have a firm throw a lot of money at you to stick around, they're also likely going to expect much more out of you. And, if times at the firm ever get tight, you'll be the one with a bulls eye on your back. No one in the unemployment line is going to care that you used to make $185k.

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whipster (Feb 3, 2017 - 5:27 pm)

Private practice = you are penciled in, and can get canned anytime.
Public practice= hard as hell to get fired.

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mtobeinf (Feb 3, 2017 - 6:46 pm)

=easy decision with all other factors in favor thereof taken into consideration.

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thirdtierlaw (Feb 3, 2017 - 6:48 pm)

Seems to be a pretty even split. But I suggest taking the government job. That is not small raise. So I can see the temptation, but you've been on here a lot the past 5 months complaining how terrible family law is and how people should avoid it like the plague.

I promise you that the office of child support will be an obnoxious position. You deal with some of the same garbage but your job will become rote after the first month. It'll be boring. So now that we got the bad out of the way, here is the good. It'll be boring, it won't be stressful. There is absolutely no "skin in the game." You don't really win or lose. There will be no clients expecting a phone call from you at 9pm on a Saturday or the weekends at all. You'll work a 40 hour work week and have a life outside of work.

If they are offering you $185,000 a year as an associate, you're obviously billing an insane number of hours or the firm is giving you a substantial cut of your billable rate. Which sounds great and that you're well on your way to partner at an obviously high-end family law firm. However, your reward for excelling at law is... more law. Partner sounds great, pays great, but you do the exact same amount of legal work, but with the added bonus of being required to network, retain more clients, oversee other attorney's work, etc.

Money is great. You can do a lot with it. But humans spend a huge percentage of their life working. Do you really want to spend the rest of your working life miserable? When you're 60 but look 75 due to the premature aging due to stress, will you still be happy with the extra $50,000 a year you were making?

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cocolawyer (Feb 3, 2017 - 8:04 pm)

That is really really true about how much I despise family law. I made my decision. I am going to take the position with the Department.

PS. High end family law firm, not sure it is a "horrendous billable" for civil, but for family law its pretty high. I was here at 5:00 am and will likely leave today at around 7:30 pm...and its a Friday.

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cocolawyer (Feb 3, 2017 - 8:01 pm)

I have decided that the pay raise isn't worth it. I am going to accept the position with the department. Not going to say what county or a few people here will know exactly who I am haha.

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triplesix (Feb 3, 2017 - 8:13 pm)

Good choice. Enjoy your life and family, fuk the rat race.

From what I know about those situations, you would have paid dearly for staying. They wouldn't forgive, nobody respects a good soldier under the current employment schemes.

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tcpaul (Feb 3, 2017 - 8:11 pm)

Congrats on the decision.

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e36m3 (Feb 3, 2017 - 11:18 pm)

Congrats. I think you made the right decision. Life is short. Enjoy it as much as humanly possible.

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wolfman (Feb 4, 2017 - 7:36 am)

I also think you made the right decision. How much of that $ would you see if the firm's business went south in a few months? There you have your answer. Plus: let's say it's a horrible mistake. You can always go back to private practice; and if you can't get your old salary plus the raise, then you weren't really "worth" (to them) the raise in the first place - and it would've been yanked as soon as that fact became apparent. Had you stayed and taken the raise, it would've been much harder to reverse that. Good job!

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mtbislife (Feb 4, 2017 - 12:31 pm)

congrats and enjoy!

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hairypalms (Feb 4, 2017 - 1:08 pm)

OP, I think you made the right decision depending on your current age. Private firms can promise you the world, but that world may come to a grinding halt soon thereafter. I work in house right now making decent money with excellent benefits, bonuses and stock, but the hours are long and has a lot of stress. I am nearing retiremeent in 10-15 years so looking to wind down a little bit. I can't see myself working at my current pace in 5 years. I would take a better QOL, less hours, less stress over higher pay within a private firm. Take the government job and enjoy your life.

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hankstamper (Feb 4, 2017 - 1:19 pm)

It sounds like you made the right decision.

Plus, if your marriage is rocky, you could have really gotten screwed if you stayed at your firm making $175K. If you get divorced, your alimony and child support would be based off that $175K, and you never would have been able to afford to take your dream job at DCSS down the road.

I suppose I'm a jerk for saying that, but as a family law attorney you probably already thought of it.

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whiteguyinchina (Feb 5, 2017 - 10:20 pm)

its the right decision. congrats!

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dingbat (Feb 6, 2017 - 10:05 am)

take the job.

money isn't everything, as long as the new job is enough to live on, do something you enjoy or that offers the better lifestyle.

Also, you're now on the firm's radar as someone looking to jump ship. They may be trying to keep you now, but, going forward they'll give the choice assignments to someone else, the better networking to someone else, and if there's ever a need for a cut, they'll keep someone else

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cocolawyer (Feb 6, 2017 - 12:07 pm)

I informed my bosses this morning that I was still going with DCSS and am giving my two weeks notice. They informed me that they appreciate the notice but will not require my services for the next two weeks. So two week vacation haha.

I don't blame them though. I figured that would occur when I put in my notice. Frankly, I have some money in the bank and kind of wanted a vacation prior to starting my new position. I am going to go watch a movie or something. My wife may be pissed but eh...what you going to do.

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mtbislife (Feb 6, 2017 - 12:44 pm)

Why would she be pissed? You deserve a break and this job will probably be better for your relationship.

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triplesix (Feb 6, 2017 - 1:43 pm)

Now she has to have him around the house for two weeks instead of out there manning up and earning the chaddar that she is spending. A slave will never please his master.

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cocolawyer (Feb 6, 2017 - 3:08 pm)

Well watched a movie went home about an hour ago told her, and she was a bit upset. Not about the change but the fact we are using some of the savings because I am not working for the next two weeks.

She is happy though that she can take a break from watching the kid.

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triplesix (Feb 6, 2017 - 3:13 pm)

Enjoy your time with the kid! She will get over it, you make the money anyway. Maybe she can get a side gig since you will have a lot more time to babysit? Haha, jk.

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greenhorn (Feb 6, 2017 - 12:40 pm)

I think you made the right decision.

I hope you realize that the petty and childish reaction of your current bosses affirms the fact that leaving was the right move.

Imagine turning down the DCSS job and sticking with your firm and "something" happening to you or to the firm in the near future. They would cut you loose in a heartbeat.

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inho2solo (Feb 6, 2017 - 1:44 pm)

Good for you, man, and enjoy the vacation. Keep in mind what I mentioned about keeping your wife in the dark on the spurious raise offer. Presumably she was okay with the financials involved before that offer came up. But it could become a point of contention later.

So, I'd treat it (the offered increase) as essentially illusory and keep it under my hat.

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triplesix (Feb 6, 2017 - 2:48 pm)

Like when she is telling him that he is not earning at his full potential and cares more about himself than his family?

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mtbislife (Feb 6, 2017 - 2:55 pm)

Then thats a shtty wife.

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cocolawyer (Feb 6, 2017 - 3:12 pm)

She doesn't say it quite that way. It's more like "I don't care what you do I just want you to be happy." In the same breath stating "we need this amount of income per month in order to survive."

She was looking for work but decided to stop because our almost two year old needs her. I told her that it would be easier to "survive" if we had two incomes and she lost it.

I have no idea what has happened to her over the past year. I am sure she has some complaints herself (there is always two sides to a coin). Hopefully the job change will make things a bit better.

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mtbislife (Feb 6, 2017 - 3:37 pm)

Not paying for day care is yuge. Time to cut spending!

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cocolawyer (Feb 6, 2017 - 4:29 pm)

Yeah we spend a lot of money on stupid crap. We have built in budgets for mortgage, and student loans. Everything else is fairly discretionary. We have two cars but no loans. We have solar panels so electricity is fairly non-existent.

I do have a gardner, a pool guy, and a maid...god I am a lazy slob.

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mtbislife (Feb 6, 2017 - 4:33 pm)

Well since you will be working less you'll have time to do that stuff yourself and save money haha.

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mnjd (Feb 6, 2017 - 4:59 pm)

Pool guy and wife pissed you will be home? Coincidence?

Congrats. My wife demand that she be able to stay home or she will literally be put in the nuthouse due to her stress.

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triplesix (Feb 6, 2017 - 5:07 pm)

Dawg...

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cocolawyer (Feb 6, 2017 - 6:33 pm)

Woman tend to milk this crap.

When I get home my house is a mess, groceries are not bought, and dinner is 50/50. She tosses the kid to me while I am still in my suit and plays on her phone until the kid goes to sleep. I swear I don't know how the house is a mess 24/7 when we have a maid come by to help. For Christ sakes I am usually the one cleaning the kitchen and doing the laundry.

Cheapbrass below must be a chick.

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mnjd (Feb 7, 2017 - 10:48 am)

My lord. You and I must be married to the same woman. Saturday and Sunday are her days off as Dad is home to watch the four kids!

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triplesix (Feb 7, 2017 - 10:54 am)

Please tell me she doesn't do "girls night out" with hundreds of dollars in CC charges becuase she deserves it.

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prodigy (Feb 7, 2017 - 11:18 am)

I like the fact that you guys get duped. Marrying these untrained, spoilt,entitled American woman, where their parents don't teach them to do anything. You guys are the best.

To be fair raising a kid is difficult. I would choose going back to work than staying at home. I would pay good money to have someone else deal with the spraggons. In 2 years when the kid is off to pre-school what will she do then?

Pretty blonde, anorexic Meliania looking type women comes at a price tag and claims your sanity too in the process. Best of luck. Tell her to go get a damn job like the rest of the world. Being a doting mum is old fashion.

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mtbislife (Feb 7, 2017 - 12:32 pm)

Yeah sounds like you guys are getting pwnd pretty hard.

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cocolawyer (Feb 7, 2017 - 1:48 pm)

Yeah except:

1) my wife is not skinny. She was when we met now she is about 30 lbs heavier, which if everything was equal wouldn't be to big of an issue.

2) I got like a year until our kid starts pre-school. She wants to get pregnant again. Of course she waits until our kid is a year out until preschool that way she times it right she can claim she needs to stay home with this one too. At that point she will be 5 years removed from the workplace and claim that she doesn't have the ability to work and will need retraining. I see the freight train coming because I do this for a living. I can't believe I am in a similar situation.

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cocolawyer (Feb 7, 2017 - 1:50 pm)

Oh mine is worse. Mine does that when I walk in the door during work days too. I put the kid down every night. Change every diaper when I am home. Go to the store....the work load never ends for daddy. Mom though God forbid needs her break and if I mention any of this I am a a$$hat.

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prodigy (Feb 7, 2017 - 3:36 pm)

No,no hell no. Are you blokes ugly. What is wrong with you? Coco no more babies, try to enjoy life.

I honestly think kids are a burden and expensive. I am a female, in NYC, and I have to hustle, juggle and make the impossible happen whilst stressed to the bones. Your wives need a touch of reality. I.e. Being a single mother and then they will be jumping off a cliff. Tell those effers to get it together, or get kicked to the curb. Work is too stressful, to come home to more sh*t.

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mnjd (Feb 7, 2017 - 5:15 pm)

You and I both. Constant errands on the way home from work. Cook dinner more often than not and yes, she retreats to the bedroom as soon as I come home to watch the kids. I pretty much drink every night!

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triplesix (Feb 7, 2017 - 5:28 pm)

Thanks bros for sharing, I think my ex did me a solid by cheating on me haha. She was deff that type, I was just too cucked to handle it properly until she tried to cuck me for real.

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mtbislife (Feb 7, 2017 - 5:33 pm)

May I suggest mtn biking

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cheapbrass (Feb 6, 2017 - 4:53 pm)

Don't blame her for being upset that you suggested that she also find a job. Raising a 2 year old is hard and a full time job in itself. I am sure she already had to sacrifice her career to give birth/raise your child. But...if you don't mind spending $2,500 to $3,000 a month on a full-time nanny....then you can ask her to get a job. Basically she would need at least a $50k a year pre-tax job just to break even on the nanny costs.

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cocolawyer (Feb 6, 2017 - 6:28 pm)

Wow where are you from? It would be $800.00 per month in child care. I know because my job I deal with it on a daily basis.

1) My child- First off it's our child. We are partner's together raising a child together. Please go into mediation and say "my" child...I will wait while you get obliterated.

2) Work- She quit because she does not want to work. She made $100k in San Francisco and would be able to make $75k where we live now. An extra $75k would really help us stack cash for retirement. It's not a selfless move, its a selfish move.

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jeffm (Feb 6, 2017 - 6:35 pm)

"It's not a selfless move, its a selfish move."

Maybe; maybe not. You say that now, but there might come a point where your attitude totally changes.

And even if it is a selfish move, that's what you got. If you can accept it, then, you need to do so and stop reminding her about it. If you are truly incompatible, then keep goading her until you find your moment of freedom. It will surely come. Same goes for her... Somehow, you both need to make peace with the compromises each of you is making. I'm no Dr. Phil by a long shot, but I think keeping negative thoughts to one's self goes a long way, but both parties need to follow that standard.

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cheapbrass (Feb 7, 2017 - 12:09 pm)

$800 a month!!!? Where are you located? I paid $2,500/mo for my live-in nanny. Child care centers charge about $2,000-$2,500/mo where I am at in Chicago.

If it really is $800/mo where you are located, then the break-even point is only $13k a year. Perhaps you would be better off hiring help for childcare and putting your wife back into the workforce making $75k a year...you would net $62k positive cashflow with her working.

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cocolawyer (Feb 7, 2017 - 1:42 pm)

Well you are looking at gross numbers not net, so your calculation is a bit off. From 75k I expect we would net about 40k. That's still a positive 30k or so after child care.

I live in California, but standard $800.00 a month. Live-in nanny's are a way more expensive. Here that would be like 4k a month plus free room and board. If it was that scenario, then yeah she should stay at home. It's not though.

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jeffm (Feb 6, 2017 - 3:37 pm)

Congratulations, Coco! That's a sweet gig!

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prodigy (Feb 6, 2017 - 7:06 pm)

I would say take the money, but I have witness people in private firms get chopped in a heartbeat. Including my brother, oh and that was after one year. Take the govt job, there is no loyalty in America. Why do they decide to give you a raise now. Bastards! Good luck brother.

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triplesix (Feb 6, 2017 - 7:36 pm)

"Why do they decide to give you a raise now."

Excellent analysis. Job creators hate greedy, disloyal slaves.

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cocolawyer (Feb 6, 2017 - 7:40 pm)

They probably knew I was worth it but would rather pocket that money then have to hand it to me.

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triplesix (Feb 6, 2017 - 7:56 pm)

I think they deserve a deduction, or better an exemption for running a LEAN (tm) business, courtesy of US taxpayer. Fuk it, just give them an incentive!!!

You did a right thing. They would have done you nasty for this. Fuk 'em, let them find another mofo "worth it" now haha.

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passportfan3 (Feb 7, 2017 - 5:28 pm)

>> she was a bit upset. Not about the change but the fact we are using some
>> of the savings because I am not working for the next two weeks.


Are you freaking serious?

You come home with a major, life-changing decision, and her concern is about two weeks of income.

Not my business, but she should re-arrange her priorities (and be a lot more empathetic to your situation).

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prestiiigiousone (Feb 10, 2017 - 10:14 am)

$110,000 for useless government paper pushing. Our tax $$ at work.

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anothernjlawyer (Feb 13, 2017 - 4:18 pm)

Daycare is only $800 per month?!?!?! I pay more than double that for a school that is closed on every snow day and holiday you've ever heard of (and you better pick 'em up by 6pm sharp!) Luckily, my wife's job is flexible enough that she can usually cover......at home we split caring for our 2 year old pretty much 50/50...if anything she does more than me.

Look, if I stayed at home all day with my kid I'd probably go crazy, but to sum up:
1) You're doing 100% of childcare and 50%+ of other domestic duties when you're not at work
2) Your wife has 75K earning potential but chooses not to work
3) You have a (freakin!) maid
4) Daycare would be wonderfully cheap.

Sorry man. From an objective 3rd party perspective, she is not pulling her weight whatsoever.

Tough situation......good luck.

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cocolawyer (Feb 13, 2017 - 7:14 pm)

Yeah $800.00 per month is the standard 7:45am to 5:00 pm. 5 days a week. I already pay a maid to do some of the heavy cleaning.

Yeah I know she is not pulling her weight. What makes it worse is that she believes I am not pulling my weight. She has some harpy friends that reiterate that being home is more difficult then working, and just regurgitates it.

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shuiz (Feb 13, 2017 - 7:20 pm)

"She has some harpy friends that reiterate that being home is more difficult then working, and just regurgitates it."

I know it's comedy, but I really enjoyed Bill Burr's rebuttal to "Motherhood is the most difficult job on the planet."

[NSFW language]

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Hitc8haEu_g

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shuiz (Feb 13, 2017 - 6:32 pm)

Cocolawyer, whenever I read about your family situation, I feel better about my divorce.

Congratulations on a better quality of life at work. If, heaven forbid, it comes to divorce, I think you will be glad you changed jobs.

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